Peter rabbit still looks down the hallway...

Monday 24th July 2000

Mum and Tony came in to work yesterday, I gave Mum a little bear the same as Aaron’s. No angel dust though, so sweet, soft. I wanted to give her something special, and that is the most precious thing to me. Every night I pick this little brown bear up, kiss it, feel its softness and talk to Aaron. I thought it was his room that was where I could talk with him, but I have his bear and his photo by my bed and I hardly go into his room, especially since Sam put all his computer stuff in there.
Peter rabbit still looks down the hallway, I remember when I put them up, they looked so cute, thought about our baby, everything looked perfect, we were just waiting.

Every song on the radio seems to be speaking to me, all those sad songs, Sounds of silence, thinking of Aaron safe inside his silent world, inside me. Hello darkness my old friend, I know darkness. Made an appointment to see Pam Wade again, I felt like a different person when I came back from the last visit. I just have to say hang the money, I need to talk about Aaron in every little detail to someone or I think I’ll go crazy. She asked me what do I do with my anger? It's all inside me, I want to smash into every oncoming car, jump off a cliff, scream and scream till no sound comes out. I want to argue, I want to force a reaction from strangers, make people see, make them see Aaron, he lived.