Thursday, May 20, 2010

a month without words...

There is nothing written in my journal now till the 9th of June, I am staying true to my journal and will blog again then...


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Aaron's ashes...

Tuesday 9th May 20000

Picked up Aaron's ashes. They were in a navy blue bag with a cord handle, it reminded me of a shopping bag from somewhere like Daimaru.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Myers and Medicare...

Monday 8th May 2000

Library for hours reading any grief book I can find. There must be a reason.
Walking through Myers with Sam, the kids section, I led the way, tears streaming Hurry, don't look, bright clothes and new mothers at the counter, kids and babys surround me, feel like I'm going to scream and never stop. Medicare office and I forgot to bring the receipt so back to the car and then back through Myers don't want to let on how much it hurts. We were at the counter and a baby started crying behind us. Instant freeze. Please stop. I said to Sam that I see how women steal babies. The mother ignored it. If she doesn't pick that baby up I'm going to kill her right here. Started crying at the counter, silent tears streaming down my face. Poor confused girl serving me, no way to stop, and still the baby cried.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The sun is shining....

Sunday 7th May 2000

Connie and Carlo back to Queensland. Sam and I went for a bush walk in the afternoon.

Saturday 6th May

Visited Camillo. Tea with Connie and Carlo, John and Carolyn and kids.

Friday 5th May 2000

Sam had a blood test. Doctor checked my stitches. He gave more attention to Sam's blood test than to Aaron dying. I thought he would talk to me about getting some help, I can't speak.
Keeping busy.

Thursday 4th May 2000

Rang Centrelink. Filled in birth certificate form and sent. Wrote letter to work. Everything I do takes so long, I'm in limbo in a dark place on slow motion, staring into space tears streaming, can't concentrate on even the simplest of things.
They sent out a Child Health Record book, he's not going to need it now. There is nothing for me to fill in, I cry all the time.

Wednesday 3rd May 2000

Aaron's funeral
The sun is shining.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I don't remember...

Monday 1st May 2000

Connie and Mauro's for tea. I don't remember.