Thursday 10th August 2000
Days are warm, sunny days help to lift my spirits. I love to see the sun coming up as I drive to work in the morning. It breaks behind me as I drive, and floods into the car. I say to Aaron “see the world is just so beautiful” I often sing “here comes the sun” the Nina Simone version, singing in the car when I’m on my own usually makes me cry, tears stream down my face, I don’t wipe them away, they come too fast. I like the feel of them on my skin, the taste of the salt on my tongue.
Looking through a book about motherhood makes me wonder what Aaron would be like now, he’d be three months old. What would he be doing? Rolling over from his back to his tummy and back again. Taken so much for granted, all of these simple things are taken for granted by parents whose baby hasn’t died.
My back is so sore at the moment, also my coccyx bone, I’m very tired all the time. Feel so old, would love to have an overhaul, some new clothes, or a haircut. Trying to get back into shape is a constant battle, with the down days usually wining. I think that I have to get back into shape for the next pregnancy, I know that I should, it’s hard to be positive.