Tiny Autumn leaves...

Sunday 30th April 2000

One week has passed, don't know where it's gone. Sams Mums birthday today, have to make the effort for her, went for a drive to Emerald and had cake and coffee, the cake was covered with tiny autumn leaves, even the smallest thing seems like a sign. Fighting tears. All day I watch the time, think about this time last week. 10.25pm he was born. I don't know what time he died.

early days

Thursday 27th April 2000

Out for the first time. Sam and I watched sixth sense on the video, it made me cry.


Wednesday 26th April 2000

Everyone up to visit, Mum and Tony, Perry and Julie, Connie and Carlo, John and Carolyn.
Connie and Carlo stayed for tea

Tuesday 25th April

Anzac day, just a blur
Visited Chris and Wendy

Sunday 23rd April 2000

Aaron's birthday.

Monday 24th April 20000

My sweetheart died during the early hours of the morning.

Baby talk and bouncing...

Saturday 30th October '99

Bianca's fourth birthday party, I'm starting to show, joined in with all the new mums to talk "baby talk". This will be me soon, everyone giving me advise about things I haven't even thought of, like breast pumps, and maternity bras. Beautiful sunny day, everyone guessing what the baby is going to be. Bianca had a bouncing castle and after everyone left I lay in the sun toasting my baby in the warmth, and giving it a little bounce.

23rd April 2010

Happy Birthday sweetheart, 10 years old today. Love you Mummy Daddy Carina* and Luca xx

Our first ultrasound...

Wednesday 6th October '99 (Week 12)

Our first ultrasound at 3.30pm, took a blank videotape although didn't expect to be able to see much. WOW! Now I really feel like I'm really pregnant. Amazing, just amazing made me cry with pure happiness! Every detail could be seen, could see the heart beating. Sam was just blown away. We couldn't stop saying wow! Dr counted fingers, and measured everything, it was the most moving experience in my life to date. Everything seems real now. Emotional over anything at the moment. Showing everyone our amazing baby, and keep rewinding it if anyone glances away and misses a bit.
Got our first ultrasound photo, black and white of course. Can't get over the detail. The little face is so clear, in profile, a tiny nose, doesn't take after me there.

Thursday 22nd April 2010

crying with pure happiness... funny I'm doing that now as I type, crying, tears rolling, love you always mummy xxx

I carried you in hope...

I carried you in hope for many long months,

Remembered that close hour, when we made you.

Often felt you kick and move

As slowly you grew within me.

Wondered what you would look like

when I finally gave birth to you -

Girl or Boy?

And what a glad moment

I should hear your birth cry.

And we welcoming you

With all you needed;

We had a home waiting for you.

You were born.

You took your first breaths and then you struggled

for air, and for life.

We had not expected this.

You lived only a brief time.

But you lived for me all the time in the

dark chamber of my womb.

We shall carry you with us forever.

Our child, you were always ours;

You are ours now.

Death cannot break the bond we shared.

Adapted from a poem by L. Clarke.