Want to just smash everything, and scream, scream, scream

Monday 3rd July 2000

Down, down, down, in a hole. Counseling costs $100, well that's me out. Mum rang around and found something cheaper. Rang Childrens hospital for Aaron's records. Little girl from up the street asked if I'd had the baby and I just said, "The baby died". I'm just so suprised that people just act like nothing has happened. They do this to my face, no shame. Crying in the car, hard to cry and drive and see all at the same time.

Feel sometimes like I'm going mad. Want to just smash everything, and scream, scream, scream. Can't see new doctor until September. I tell myself to snap out of this and I just fall further in. Everything piles up and it's hard to be positive. Customers drive me mad, I couldn't care less what colour they paint the walls. I feel fat, and ugly, and when I sneeze I pee myself.